


Aftermath

by infinitesouls



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 2x08, Angst, Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitesouls/pseuds/infinitesouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aftermath of 2x08: Spacewalker. Clarke struggles to deal with what she has just done. Slight bellarke where I found it appropriate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

The only sound Clarke could hear was Raven’s cries of despair that rung through her entire body. It was like the piercing sound had opened every inch of her that she had been trying to hold together. Her face was wet and sticky as tears continued to pour down her cheeks whilst her fingers continued to grip the blood stained knife tightly, her own blood beginning to seep out.

 

She couldn’t bare to look at his lifeless body so she willed her legs to move from their shaky place to turn and face Lexa. She breathed in a shaky breath of air and told herself, _I just have to hold on for a little longer,_ before facing the leader who looked nothing less than impressed.

 

The whole idea made her feel dirty. She thought highly of Clarke for killing Finn, the boy she loved. There was nothing respectful there. _Blood for blood_ she had called it. The same blood she was covered in. 

 

Lexa held my gaze and declared in a loud voice so that both our people could hear, “We have truce! Your people can sleep tonight and we’ll plan our attack in the morning. Sleep well… Clarke.”

 

_Sleep._ An action so natural which now felt so foreign. She would not sleep. She knew that. The constant voice of Finn played in her head, “Thank you Princess.” _Thank you._ She would be forever haunted by him and all that could have been.

 

Lexa gave her a short nod to let her know she could leave. Clarke once again built up her courage and blocked out the cries she could hear in the distance before nodding back. She walked past the grounder armies, all who stared at her. Some were intrigued and impressed, others were outraged at Clarke’s mercy towards Finn. She broke their way of execution and she knew most of them weren’t happy with it. However they made a path for her exactly the same as when she arrived and she walked through them at a painfully slow pace.

 

As she made her way back to her camp, everything suddenly caught up to her. One foot in front of the other and all she could think of was, _just a little longer_ over and over again.

 

Clarke finally reached the gate that had been opened for her and the camp was painfully silent. All just stared at her as if she was an alien. She walked inside and avoided all eye-contact. How could she look at these people when they just witnessed what she had done?

 

Her mother rushed to her side muttering her name over and over but Clarke couldn’t respond. She couldn’t break here, not now. So she ignored her mothers worried looks and stared at the dirt beneath her feet wondering if she could bury herself away. 

 

It wasn’t long though until Raven’s voice pierced through the crowd. Loud and clear and Clarke felt obligated to face Raven for what she had just done. Raven came into view struggling to reach Clarke as she was being restrained by Bellamy and Kane. 

 

“How could you!” She shrieked at Clarke having managed to come face to face with her. “You promised me nothing would happened to him, you lied!”

 

Inside Clarke wanted to cry but the only reaction she could manage was none at all. She stood there emotionless in front of Raven, speechless entirely. What could you possibly say to the girl - your friend… that just saw her only family being ripped away. _Nothing that would help,_ I thought.

 

Raven waited for Clarke to reply but when she heard nothing she intensified, “You don’t even care do you? He _loved_ you and you don’t even care! He risked his life for you… and,” she broke off getting more emotional by the second. “and… you, you killed him. You’re a murderer Clarke!”

 

“Enough!” Abby’s voice boomed silencing everyone. “Take her inside,” she instructed to Bellamy and Kane who both nodded, directing a completely distraught and broken girl towards the Ark. 

 

Bellamy shot Clarke a look of sympathy as they passed and Clarke couldn’t contain herself any longer. She didn’t want sympathy. She was the reason he was dead. They should all be angry… but when Clarke finally looked up at her mother and all she saw was raw worry for her daughter she was ready to burst. 

 

“I need to go,” she told her quickly before turning away in a hurry only to find herself being tugged back again. 

 

“Clarke wait…” she started but she wouldn’t let her finish as she finally let her walls crumble before whimpering a simple, “Please.” 

 

Abby let go as Clarke ran out into the forest not looking back. She wasn’t sure where she was going but knew she needed to leave, _now_. She ran, faster and faster - her legs burning whilst she heaved out small breaths, time passing so quickly she wasn’t sure how long she actually had been running. She couldn’t stop but all was lost as her feet tumbled over a tree branch and she fell to the forest floor, clutching the ground as if thats all that was left. 

 

Clarke begun to whimper and tears fell from her eyes and before she even had time to process that she was lying on the ground she was crying out in agony. She screamed out for Finn and her father… Wells and even Charlotte.All these people in Clarke’s life who were gone. Gone because of her. Clarke continued to cry out until she couldn’t breathe, struggling to get air into her lungs - air she didn’t even want. She was broken and a part of her knew she always had been.

 

She moved so she was kneeling on the ground hands still clutching the ground for dear life as she continued to fight for breath. However this time she noticed that she was still clutching the knife in her hand. She suddenly felt panicked and uneasy. _It’s Raven’s knife,_ She thought to herself. Clarke had killed Finn with his ex-girlfriends knife. 

 

She was so troubled by this sudden occurrence that she didn’t realise the company she had. Bellamy stood behind Clarke watching her panicked state as she was visibly shaking, clutching the bloody knife in her hand. 

 

“Clarke,” he barely whispered but knew she’d hear. 

 

She didn’t move. Just sat clutching the knife even tighter before murmuring, “I killed Finn with Raven’s knife.” 

 

Bellamy released a breath before moving so he was crouched down in front of Clarke, “You saved Finn from a far worser death, Clarke.”

 

“I didn’t save him,” she raised her face to look at him and Bellamy saw pure heartache wrenched across her face. “I only made it easier…”

 

Bellamy held out his hand for the knife giving her a reassuring look, “I know.”She was at first hesitant but slowly loosened her fingers and the knife slipped away. It was only then did she realise the real damage she had done to herself. She had a long deep cut etched along her palm, still bleeding. She knew she’d need stitches but all she could focus on was the blood. Most of it was hers, but part of it Finns. _Blood for Blood,_ she thought back to Lexa.

 

“Clarke,” Bellamy whispered again reached for her hand. She let him grab it as he inspected the wound himself. He reached for the end of his t-shirt before ripping a piece of material across before wrapping it around her palm. “It will do for now.”

 

“Why are you here Bellamy?” she asked suddenly, her voice low and hoarse.

 

He looked up at her tear stained face and sighed, “You’re mother sent me out to keep and eye on you.”

 

“She didn’t need to send you-“

 

“I wanted to make sure you were alright,” I cut her off. 

 

Clarke just dropped her gaze to the ground, “I’m not alright, I’m far from-”

 

“I know,” he interrupted again knowing she was only going to make herself more distraught.

 

Bellamy reached forward to lay his hand on Clarke’s shoulder, a simple touch to show he was there. She tried to muffle her tears, tried to build her wall up once again… but was failing miserably and he knew it. He wasn’t going to leave her like this - she wasn’t alone here. He pulled her up into his arms before embracing her tightly. He remembered back to when Octavia was little and the only way to calm her was to hug her tightly and let her cry away her tears. 

 

“Bellamy-“ Clarke muttered teary but he only replied with a “Shhh, it’s okay Clarke.” 

 

She hesitated but grabbed at his shirt and started sobbing into his chest. However this time it wasn’t desperate hollows into the open, but the type of cries that mourn for someone you’ve lost. She sat there for what felt like hours whilst Bellamy rubbed circles into her back gently continuously telling her that it was going to be okay. Whilst she knew that _okay_ wasn’t a word to describe any of situation at hand, she let him comfort her. Something she hadn’t let anyone do in such a long time and quite frankly, she needed it… she wanted it. She was just afraid that she didn’t deserve it.

 

Eventually she managed to gather herself up and awkwardly pull away from Bellamy’s arms. She even managed to give him a small smile of appreciation but couldn’t muster anything more. She felt utterly and completely destroyed.

 

Bellamy carefully grabbed my hand in his and stared at me with the most sincerity I’d ever seen him have, “You once told me that you need me, that you all needed me. In reality though, I need you a whole lot more… we all do. Clarke, you gave Finn a way out, one that he didn’t deserve but compared to what would have happened, it was the best thing for him… and what Raven said-”

 

“I don’t blame her,” I said quickly, “she had every right to-“

 

“But you know she didn’t mean it. She knows deep down you did the right thing. She’s mourning too.”

 

“… but I promised,” I uttered out pathetically. “I promised her nothing would happen to Finn”

 

Bellamy sighed, “We can’t always keep promises down here. You and I both know that.”

 

Clarke nodded knowing that the ground didn’t leave us to give easy choices but it didn’t make her feel any easier. 

 

“Clarke listen,” he started, “What I’m trying to say here is that we don’t expect you to feel any less than you do right now. You went through more than most people go through in a lifetime… but what I want you to know is that you don’t have to do this alone. We’re here. I’m here.”

 

Clarke didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want help from anyone but at the same time she felt like the only way she could get through this was to trust the people who knew her best. She exhaled, still shaky and full of emotion… but it was a start. 

 

Bellamy finally stood and reached down to help Clarke to her feet, “C’mon let’s get you home and clean you up.” 

 

I nodded faintly and let him pull me up realising that my grief could wait for another day. They had bigger things to worry about, like their friends in Mount Weather. She wasn’t going to let Finn’s death be a waste. They were going to use their truce to get their people back. Clarke willed up her courage and she walked back to camp, side by side with her partner leaving the bloody knife behind. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just really emotional okay. Like I wasn't happy with Finn and what he did but I didn't want him to go in that way... and Clarke! I just want to wrap her up and help her poor little soul. However during my emotional wreck of a day I felt like I had to write something. Maybe to vent out all the feelings. Hope you like it!


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